THOUGHTS ON DEALING WITH CHRISTIANS
AND OTHER KINDRED VERMIN
by Magister Michael Rose
I occasionally get letters from people asking me how best to deal with Christiansalthough from time to time other groups will be named, most similar to Christians in some sense or other. Perhaps the best answer is to deal with them as briefly, and as infrequently, as possible. However, this answer is seldom considered satisfactory by these inquirers. What follows are a few thoughts on the subject.
Some people want to know: How can you convince these people that they are wrong and you are right? My first thought is, Who cares? Such debates generally go nowhere. If this is something that you feel is really important, all you can do is set your facts and evidences forth. If your audience is like most Christians, you will accomplish little or, more likely, nothing by doing so. To a Christian, the only facts that matter are found between the covers of a Bible. You cannot reason with people who believe that their God has exalted the foolish and chooses to work through miracles. Ask yourself this question: Why am I so concerned with what this idiot thinks of me and my beliefs and ideas?
Others ask how best to win Christians over to our side. I normally respond to such a question with one of my own: Who wants them? Lets pretend for a moment that you were actually able to convince this Christian halfwit that Satanism is the way to gowhat then? Ill tell you what. Before long the misguided fool will be looking, for a cat, goat, or baby to sacrifice to Satanhis personal savior who has now replaced Jesus. Why? Because he wont accept our definition of Satanism; hell look to what his former Christian brethren define as Satanism. These people cant understand Satanism, are plainly unsuited to a Satanic philosophy of life, and introducing them to one isnt going to make things better for anybody. There are few things worse than a Christian who decides to devote himself to sin and wickedness. They will become pointlessly destructive and will wind up making a horrible mess of everything with which they come in contact. You think that they are a nuisance as Christians? Try and convert them all to Satanism, then youll find out what assholes they can be when they really try. As Christians, they are usually feeble and ineffectual enough. Its best to let sleeping lambs lie, but persistently annoying lambs can make good lamb chops. More on that later.
Some of my inquirers want to know how they can convince Christians that we are really nice people. Answer: You cant. If you are a Satanist, then by Christian standards, you are not a nice person. The mere fact that you choose to identify with what they perceive as the source of Ultimate Evil tells them that you are not nice. Learn to live with it. Again, why do you care about what they think of you? Are they people you know well? If so, they ought to be able to decide from direct experience whether you are a nice guy. If they would think that you are nice enough, except for that awful name you stick on yourself, then they are obviously not worth your time. Lets face facts here. You are not going to be popular with Christians if you call yourself a Satanist. Why would anyone think otherwise?
What many of these questioners fail to take into account is that it isnt just a question of freedom of choice. Truly committed Christians, and Im not talking about nominal Christians or social Christians here, cannot be other than what they are. Youve all heard the old saw about describing red to a person with color blindnessit cant be done. Its the same with trying to gain acceptance from a true Christian. Nominal and social Christians can be won over to some degree, because their dedication to Christianity (and thus commitment to hating its enemies) is far more tenuous, being born out of laziness, habit, or social convention. But I cant really see why anybody would want to devote the time and energy needed to accomplish such a pointless task. Still, if youve got the time to kill, then you are certainly free to try.
Some have written, wondering how best to attack them. I have decided that the best weapon to use against this rabble is a sense of humor. Normally, a Christian so dedicated to his religion that he will accost you about yours regards it as some sort of sacred duty. He treats it as something very solemn and sacred. If you try to debate with him you will get nowhere. In fact, if you argue it will tell him that you regard his childish superstitions as something to be taken seriously, thus puffing him up even more. On the other hand, if you sneer, mock, or laugh at him, show him that you find his beliefs to be too ludicrous to possibly debate seriously, then he will flee the field in search of a more serious opponent. Meaning: he wants one who will play along and give him the opportunity to see himself as a sort of crusader for God and all things righteous, one who will validate him. Id rather not play their game. One definition of roast is to severely ridicule. As I said earlier, if a lamb of God gets out of line, make roasted lamb chops.
The trouble is, most of those who are writing to me are so grimly solemn and serious about their Satanic cause that they have little sense of humor about it. They take Christianity seriously because they mistakenly see about them a vast cosmic struggle of Good vs. Evil. Now, while I would definitely agree that the Christians and their ilk have done a truly impressive job of messing things up, and they continue to be a nuisance at times, this certainly does not mean that you should take them seriously. Give serious consideration on how best to deal with the problems they cause and have caused, but you certainly should not play into their hands and boost their already inflated sense of self-importance by treating these ignoramuses and their idiotic beliefs seriously.
For further study I would suggest that you read The Devils Notebook by Anton LaVey (why havent you already read it?). Pay particular attention to the essays Let Me Entertain You and The Whoopie Cushion Shall Rise Again. Both of these touch upon the vital role a sense of humor plays for every Satanist.
This essay is copyrighted © by Michael Rose, 2000 c.e. and may not be reproduced without permission.