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Church of Satan: Third Side Intelligence

In his essay "The Third Side: The Uncomfortable Alternative" (Satan Speaks, Feral House, 1998), Magus Anton Szandor LaVey shatters the commonly-held notion that there are "two sides to every issue," and defines the Satanic perspective as the Third Side. It is from this pespective that our articulate members will present to you their individual commentary on current events, media, politics, and culture.

For centuries mankind has formed clandestine cabals sharing arcane lore and forbidden rites. At times the uninitiated have glimpsed the secrets shared by captains of industry, back-room dealers, and men of science fueled by forward-thinking philosophies. We now fling wide those concealing curtains to bring you expressions of Satanic thought. Welcome to Third Side Intelligence.

You will find the most recent posts from our official Third Side Intelligence feed, found at news.churchofsatan.com/tagged/third-side-intelligence, below. We are displaying them here for your ease of reviewing our current media briefs, without leaving our churchofsatan.com website.

Posted on Tuesday November 29, 2016

One Satanic Panic was Enough—Debunking Ted Gunderson and...



One Satanic Panic was Enough—Debunking Ted Gunderson and #Pizzagate 

If you want to look really stupid, just try linking Satanism to this #pizzagate nonsense.

This old video of Ted Gunderson has resurfaced and people who live in a “post-fact” world are passing it on as some kind of smoking gun. Luckily for the non-brain dead among us this has been well documented as a load of crap. Ted Gunderson of course, was a total tinfoil hat lunatic and embarrassment to the FBI, whom the SPLC described as someone who “never met a conspiracy theory he didn’t believe.

In the video circulating, Gunderson talks of links between the Illuminati, pedophilia and Satanism. This is as based in reality as his belief that aliens flew UFO’s to earth to give US Government the cure to Down Syndrome but the government is withholding it from people as a form of population control. If only that was a joke—it’s not.

Let’s run down the list:

Illuminati? No. The only documented Illuminati that has ever existed, ceased to do so in the late 1700’s.

Pedophilia? No. Not only is harming children specifically forbidden in our 11 Satanic Rules of the Earth, but also, while Satanism has always explicitly condoned all forms of sexual expression, it has always been only to those interactions between consenting adults. When it comes to pedophilia, the Roman Catholic Church has spent vast sums of money protecting pedophile priests and made continued long-term efforts covering up their crimes while allowing continued abuse of children under their supervision. The Christians must own that one and this continued deflection is as transparent as their holy water—and just as useless.

As to Gunderson’s overall schtick, that’s been debunked repeatedly. Here’s the full FBI files from the investigations into all of Gunderson’s abuse and kidnapping claims showing they were completely baseless and not a single victim could ever be identified. Shock TV host Geraldo Rivera, who trumpeted much of this madness, even later recanted and apologized for helping it, noting that it was all obviously fabricated and that he was terribly wrong.

That was in 1995. So, if today—more than 20 years later—you believe and parrot any of these fallacies you are broadcasting to the world that you are not only a simpleton, but a gullible idiot as well.

Reverend Joel Ethan

Original Post

Posted on Tuesday November 15, 2016

Full Disclosure: On the internet, there’s a sucker born every...



Full Disclosure: On the internet, there’s a sucker born every millisecond

Schadenfreude.

Most people today know this—the feeling evoked when watching someone make a fool out of themselves while just sitting back to watch the whole thing play out as it’s so amusing. We the audience know there’s a trap, but the fall guy walks right into it. That’s why shows like Candid Camera were so popular in their day, and why clips from similar Japanese prank shows rack up hundreds of thousands of views on YouTube. It’s harmless fun and everyone laughs at the end about how silly the whole thing was—and are thankful the joke wasn’t on them.

Recently we were contacted by a local publication in Boulder, CO called The Rooster and asked for our perspective on a few issues. We responded, as we always do, pointing them to our website where we’ve taken the time and effort to detail our positions and answer many frequently asked questions. They assured us (twice, in fact) that they’d read the articles to which we’d supplied links and asked to speak with someone to get a few specific quotes which we happily coordinated. In our conversations, they told us they’d already been in contact with The Satanic Temple, so we knew the game was afoot! And in the tradition of those unlucky folks on Candid Camera, walking right into a trap for everyone else’s amusement, The Rooster did not disappoint. You too can join in the fun by reading their piece Membership in satanic churches soars in Trump’s America. Unfortunately for our red feathered friends, we’re not sure they’ve been let in on the joke yet. Hopefully this isn’t too embarrassing.

Read more: http://www.churchofsatan.com/sucker-born-every-millisecond.php

Original Post

Posted on Thursday September 29, 2016

Due to pressure from religious and activist groups, FearVR:5150...



Due to pressure from religious and activist groups, FearVR:5150 at Knott’s Scary Farm has been cancelled due to their “insensitive” mental hospital theme. Horror Buzz pokes some fun at the situation, asking the question: How do the demonically possessed feel in being used as a device for horror? Magus Peter H. Gilmore responses, pointing out Halloween’s “fun fear” as part of American culture and rightly accuses this wave of political correctness as a threat to freedom of expression. 

In other news, cultural Puritans ask: is your dog’s Halloween costume sexist?

Reverend Raul Antony

Original Post

Posted on Friday September 16, 2016

Benjamin DeCasseres on the Strict Taxation of All Churches...



Benjamin DeCasseres on the Strict Taxation of All Churches (1933)

The archivists at the Union of Egoists have unearthed some occult wisdom from Benjamin DeCasseres, also known as the “Imp of 5th Avenue”. Originally published in The Clarion, DeCasseres attacks both the church and state, establishing a bombastic precursor to LaVey’s second point of his Pentagonal Revision program.

In her old withered bosom the Church nurses one dear thought—the hope of some day, when we are all quite down and out, reviving the glories of her youth, of again making the State her pimp. And what a pimp this Sugar-Daddy would be if she ever got a mediaeval stranglehold on him! What golden pickings! The Whore of Babylon would be a little Eva in comparison.

“Kept” by Benjamin DeCasseres, from The Clarion

Original Post

Posted on Tuesday August 02, 2016

REGARDING SATANIC AFTER-SCHOOL CLUBSSince the Church of Satan...



REGARDING SATANIC AFTER-SCHOOL CLUBS

Since the Church of Satan only allows legal adults as members, and since we are against all forms of possible proselytizing, we do not sponsor “clubs” in schools.

We encourage intelligent young people who have an interest to study our literature, and they may ask questions of us directly should they not understand any of our principles. We have many responsive spokespersons to handle such queries. In general, our written materials are quite straightforward and without the need for interpretation found in the texts of most religions.

Additionally, we do not support forms of activism which require Satanists to behave like members of other religions who do try to force their ideas on young people. We are strict secularists and individualists and oppose having religion foisted on students via peer pressure or other coercive means.

—Magus Peter H. Gilmore

The above was a response to reporters asking about the Church of Satan’s involvement with “Satanic Clubs”.  For more on political activism and Satanism see the article “There Goes The Neighborhood: Activism and The Devil” by Magus Peter H. Gilmore.

Original Post

Posted on Friday July 22, 2016

THE NEW PURITANISMThe latest news that comedian Mike Ward...



THE NEW PURITANISM

The latest news that comedian Mike Ward ordered to pay a $35k fine for a joke is further evidence of the new wave of secular puritanism that’s sweeping the Western World. In other news, Wikileaks sparks a thread of comments on what they call the “Cyber feudalism” of Twitter’s banning of gay libertarian Milo Yiannopoulos for speaking the ‘wrong’ way to a high profile Hollywood actress. They accuse Twitter of giving special access to a politically aligned celebrity over other users who have faced vastly worse. Minecraft creator Markus Persson weighs in as well, voicing his concern on Twitter.

All of which reminds me of Gavin McInnes’ video from a couple of months ago, Why far left “progressives” are the “new Victorians”. While we’re seeing a decline in a spiritual basis for our morals in the West these puritanical instincts remain, now secularized. Without a god or metaphysics as a crutch they double-down on politically correct virtue signaling in an effort to be the biggest Good Guy on the block. 

In my estimation this is the real danger that Anton LaVey warned against in Point 3 of his Pentagonal Revisionism program.

—Reverend Raul Antony

Original Post

Posted on Saturday June 04, 2016

No Honors In False EqualityIf everyone doesn’t get to wear...



No Honors In False Equality

If everyone doesn’t get to wear a little white stole, no one can. Because hurt feelings and such. I wonder if they will still have any sort of class rankings in schools anymore. 

“Whelp. Can’t have a valedictorian or salutatorian any more because the other students will feel bad because it’s not them." 

It’s been many years since I graduated high school and I remember it being a big academic competition (amongst us nerds, at least). School administrators are really setting kids up for failure in the real world, and this is part of why college students need their ”safe spaces“.

—Priestess Kim Rice

The robe itself is part of it. Masters wear hoods, Doctors wear caps. It was appropriate that those achieving above the grade in academia should be distinguished in this way, at the appropriate time for just such distinction.

Are the sports champs giving up trophies, yet?

—Magistra Peggy Nadramia

Original Post

Posted on Sunday February 07, 2016

PLAYBOY HAS LOST ITS BALLS It just has to be said. Cancel your...



PLAYBOY HAS LOST ITS BALLS 

It just has to be said. Cancel your subscriptions to Playboy magazine. Now!

The latest safe-for-work issue is on newsstands and it is the first in history without female nudity. As a former executive for the company, I can only describe my reaction as nauseated. But more disturbing to me, as a long-time true believer in what Hugh Hefner created as the ultimate sophisticated magazine for men, I admit, I’m also saddened.

Not only is the nudity gone, but the beard-wearing millennial nerds who run the magazine have eliminated the classic cover tagline “Entertainment For Men,” clearly signaling total acquiescence to politically correct feminization and frankly a lack of balls (“My girlfriend thinks it’s sexist” – ugh!). The jokes page is gone, too. Oh, men today are too “cool” to laugh at the old one-liners and salty limericks. So Rodney Dangerfield and a host of Friars Club legends aren’t funny anymore? The humor may have some grey on it, but it’s classic and timeless! It’s downright arrogant to think men of today can’t relate. So what’s funny now, pathetic self-deprecating loser humor the likes of Louie that makes boys feel better about themselves? That might explain it.

Playboy’s management told CNN it had a couple of hundred magazine cancellations since the non-nudity announcement. Come on, it’s more like a couple of thousand or more in what is a continually declining reader base that’s a result of millenials not reading anymore, NOT because they don’t relate! And what’s astounding is that this “brain trust” is positioning the new Playboy in the Vanity Fair category—a magazine that firmly targets WOMEN!!

Face it; Playboy’s excellent reportage and literature had widespread exposure thanks to the eye candy with which it was packaged. Millions of men would never have known the works of major authors if it weren’t for the T&A that brought them into the publication.

Another disturbing announcement came recently when Playboy said it’s selling the Holmby Hills Mansion. As someone who met Hefner, walked the halls of Playboy’s offices and knew intimately the pedigree and philosophy of the company, it makes me think the new management team somehow got a few decisions past the 89 year-old Hefner.

I can go on and on about Playboy’s justifications for the changes: there’s too much nudity on the Internet to compete, the magazine needs to be less explicit to gain advertisers (frankly insane in a society that now embraces nudity on cable TV like never before), and finally that young men simply don’t relate to it anymore.

Well, there is a real reason contemporary “men” don’t relate to the magazine anymore. It’s because many have been whipped into embracing ultra-feminist political correctness in order to be “liked and accepted” by women their age. They’re now afraid that if they embrace Playboy’s former DNA promoting love, romance and, yes, SEX as the greatest pleasure a man could find, then that thinking somehow objectifies women and they’ll then be shunned, missing out on what they really want—to see their girls nude and to get laid! There was a reason Hefner adopted the “fuck like a bunny” rabbit as its symbol. And I’m afraid the rabbit has died.

—Magister Dr. Bob Johnson, Editor & Publisher Old Nick Magazine

Original Post

Posted on Sunday November 22, 2015

Paris, Proud Center of Abomination A guest on Fareed Zakaria’s...



Paris, Proud Center of Abomination 

A guest on Fareed Zakaria’s GPS show on CNN this morning, France’s ambassador to the U.S. Gérard Araud was asked by Zakaria to react to ISIS’s reasoning for targeting Paris as a center of prostitution, in essence Sodom and Gomorrah. Araud responded that “We are proud to be that.” He emphasized that a message needs to be sent that they are keeping the French sense of “joie de vivre” and stated: “We are a center of abomination for these guys and our intention is to remain such.”

I offer a horned salute to this bold and earthy challenge to theist repression!

Vive Araud! Vive Paris! Vive la France!

Hail Satan!

—Magus Peter H. Gilmore

Original Post

Posted on Saturday November 21, 2015

Governmental Evangelism?Presidential hopeful John Kasich, the...



Governmental Evangelism?


Presidential hopeful John Kasich, the governor of Ohio, rashly proposed creating a governmental agency to promote “Judeo-Christian” values as part of his projected approach to national security should he be elected. At his National Press Club speech, Kasich stated that he’d create “a new agency that has a clear mandate to promote the core, Judeo-Christian Western values that we and our friends and allies share: the values of human rights, the values of democracy, freedom of speech, freedom of religion and freedom of association.“

Fortunately the constitutionality of such a nonsensical concept was swiftly raised even amidst the media frenzy caused by the recent terrorist attacks perpetrated by Islamic radicals—the clear source for such politically reactionary spewage. Our secular republic was established with the intention of preventing any religion from having hegemony, providing American citizens with the freedom of embracing any or no religion as a fundamental right. Fortunately, some aware media commentators, such as CNN’s Michael Smerconish, have made this observation.

It fascinates me that Kasich’s brief enumeration of the values he wishes to promote are emphatically not ones that have arisen from Judeo-Christian scriptures. Instead, they are secularist principles essential to the American Constitution and are also core concepts that current Western governments have embraced in their ongoing process of working towards an equitable society. We who are not fans of theism know that most “sacred” writings are a contradictory morass which can be cherry-picked to support almost any perspective, be it permissive or oppressive. However Kasich’s catalog is one that stands in contrast to the historical practices of the theism he embraces and proposes should be governmentally proselytized. His lack of awareness of this contradiction should be troubling, considering his current—and any future—elected offices.

Kasich has backed-off from his misguided intention, however, this exposes something that should be noted. His assumption that Judeo-Christianity is the source for these principles points out his lack of awareness of the actual tenets of the ancient religion of which he is an adherent. He is not alone in such incomprehension. He naively assumes a “God and Country” unity that is contrary to the mechanisms of the government of the United States. His apologists are quick to claim that he didn’t mean what he said, however, anyone campaigning to head this nation should be very precise in both his thinking and his statements on such crucial issues.

The oath of the office he seeks demands that he "will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States.” Clearly Kasich seems unaware of the secular nature inherent in that office and the Constitution he must uphold, hence I consider his ignorance grounds to disqualify his candidacy in the minds of all Americans who stand for the values of our nation’s founders.

—Magus Peter H. Gilmore

Pertinent Links:

Kasich’s Initial ProposalThe Down-toningApologism 

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