Satanists Aren’t Always Perfect

by Satanist Alyssa Ross

an article for The Black Flame—June, LI A.S.

I’d like to reflect on a quote from Peter H. Gilmore found in his Satanic Scriptures. Essentially, it reads: “As Satanists, we strive for perfection, but sometimes fall into negative patterns.” This hits particularly close to home for me and has renewed my strength and confidence in myself. It takes strength to recognize when one is falling into negative patterns, and even more strength to pull oneself out of those negative patterns.  When one is on a course of self-destruction, it is up to you to pull the rip cord and eject yourself out of that course.

In 2015, I had three hospitalizations for attempted suicide. Anton LaVey said in his Satanic Bible that suicide was only acceptable under very specific circumstances: that if one was in so much pain suicide would actually be a release from that pain. I thought that I had finally reached that threshold. I’ve since discovered that I’m simply bipolar II depressive; an increasingly common diagnosis as we continue to learn more about the human brain and its patterns.

I had fallen into one of those negative patterns that Peter H. Gilmore had mentioned. Re-reading that quote hit me like a ton of bricks. I was not, in fact, in so much pain that death would be a release, but had fallen into a negative pattern; I just needed the right medication and treatment.

Since then, I’ve received the medication and treatment I needed and feel like my old, proud, Satanic self again. I wanted to write this piece to remind those who may be struggling with depression or suicidal ideations to seek help. Life is indeed the great indulgence, and death is the great abstinence. Don’t end your indulgence because you may be suffering from something temporary or that can be fixed with the right treatment. Mental illness is like any other illness; it can be treated and fixed.

If you find you’ve fallen into any form of negative pattern, take a step back and reflect on what Mr. Gilmore has written. Acknowledge it so that you can find a solution to break that pattern. Then you will be ready to go back to striving for perfection in all your talents and indulgences. Celebrate this great indulgence and recognize when you’ve fallen into those negative patterns.

—Satanist Alyssa Ross