s/m

By Reverend AEnigmaBDSM—or s/m, as an oldhand like myself still generally prefers to call it—has come a long way since the days of the “Old Guard,” when homophile military veterans and biker clubs in leather and chains indulged in rougher erotic experiences as a part of their bonding and mating. Indeed, it has now become even so popular that an international bestseller with BDSM as a theme is being turned into a major motion picture.Or has it?Upon inspection, it is immediately clear that this novel’s success is much more the result of clever marketing than about unusual sexual practices now being accepted into the mainstream. To the discerning, Fifty Shades of Grey is poorly written “chick-lit” churned out for the audience that eagerly devoured books like Twilight and The Hunger Games. In fact, I discovered after beginning this piece that FSoG was initially conceived as Twilight fan fiction, so it was apparently not just my imagination in seeing the similarities. No critical adult reader could stand more than a few paragraphs of it without throwing it aside in literary disgust. And that is long before arriving at the “kinky” sex scenes, which are sometimes outright irresponsible as viewed by actual BDSM practitioners. The story tells of a weak-willed, doe-eyed, insultingly naïve protagonist who first idealizes a dominant man—a creepy stalker with jealousy and anger issues—and then seemingly loses what little brain cells she had as he takes complete control of her sad simile of a life.I will not go into any depth concerning the actual s/m (*cough, cough*) portrayed in the book as the Internet is full of FSoG reviews pointing out that many practices depicted here should never be tried in real life. It is worth keeping in mind that a Mr. Grey would actually be a dangerous sociopath—he goes so far as to inspect protagonist Anastasia’s bank account behind her back—a type that all women and men (especially the young and gullible) should stay as far away from as possible. This book is fiction, not a realistic chronicle of those who indulge in BDSM, and so I think the sane limits and precautions that one adheres to in real life practices should not necessarily apply to a work of fantasy. Fiction is make-believe and escapism, after all, and the rules of reality do not apply—but one must not mistake fiction for reality or realism.My traditionally favorite s/m author, Pat (now Patrick) Califia, has written both realistic stories and more “dark and dangerous” s/m tales that would be unhealthy to act out in real life, and did both types very well. Then again, Patrick Califia is also a deservedly well-respected old-school pioneer and authority on BDSM culture and creative sexuality in real life, and so knows what he is writing about from experience. So while the BDSM portrayed in FSoG should not be tried at home, it remains fiction and therefore I personally do not think it has to be realistic. There is certainly much better and more credible BDSM literature out there, fiction and non-fiction, that is both realistic as well as fanciful. The danger, of course, is that people who have FSoG as their first exposure to something vaguely resembling BDSM—and find it exciting—do not know any better and might try imitating the book, being unaware of the possibility of self-harm. Although, in my opinion, it is perhaps more likely that readers might simply use this as a source for erotic fantasy. A few might try some light bondage, but nothing more intense, which could be fine, so long as it is done in a sensible fashion—something of which FSoG does not provide a good example.Readers of FSoG might also be led to believe that sociopaths are the norm within the BDSM subculture, and find that idea actually reinforced by the many media portrayals of it over the past decades. People of extreme character will often be drawn to what are seen as “darker” subcultures. They might try to infiltrate them or create their own perverted versions in an attempt to gather willing followers and victims. Satanism has certainly had its share of outsiders who use its name to justify their unfortunate behavior. Yet it remains, I think, worthwhile to point out that those disturbed individuals actually have no place in sane BDSM relationships or encounters or clubs. Nor are they, for that matter, part of Satanism, a point which sadly also seems to need continued reiteration. Concerning the actual reading experience of this novel: if, like me, you are fluent in Dutch, then you are in luck. I have read interviews with the translator of Fifty Shades of Grey into Dutch wherein she admitted that she was distressed by the poor quality of the writing style and repetitive use of certain words, phrases and expressions. The integrity that causes her to state this openly, rather than to put the bestselling author on a pedestal, certainly becomes her. So she tried to improve the text where she could, within her boundaries as a translator, and introduced a bit more variation than the “oh my” and “consulting my inner goddess” snippets that we encounter 72 and 53 times respectively in the first book alone (source: The Wire, et al). According to this infographic at Digital Book Today, Anastasia (truly a name fit for a princess, and a further hint at the target audience for these books) uses the word “holy” 147 times, which is to say every 3-5 pages—which is more frequently than the 1960’s TV Batman’s sidekick, Robin. This main character, who, incidentally, majors in literature (can anyone tell?), apparently has quite a limited vocabulary. Then again, the other characters generally have no depth and are sometimes such cartoonish stereotypes that they might fit well in the first Harry Potter book. However, this approach clearly sells.The gimmick wherein the main character needs to consult an “inner goddess”—apart from her subconscious with which she also engages in dialogue instead of consulting the rational part of her brain—is likely added to the book as a wink and a nod to certain women’s self-help literature. Those writings proclaim that women must free, or in the best case become, their “inner goddesses” in order to realize their full potential in the face of perceived male oppression. In essence, this may not appear too different from the Satanic practice of ritualization, wherein a Satanist utilizes ritual to trigger a part of the subconscious that responds to direct emotional stimulation, instead of the more meditative intellectual and rational aspects of consciousness. If it were this that was being portrayed, the novel would have some redeeming qualities. Anastasia, however, is not setting free her “inner goddess,” nor is she entering into a ritualized space as an “intellectual decompression chamber” to go beyond her surface mental chatterings to a deeper aspect of her self. Rather, she consults this “inner goddess” for advice on how to act, submitting what little critical thinking she possesses to a deified aspect of her own subconscious, while she learns to submit her whole self to a rich and abusive partner in hopes of gaining and holding his favor.And here we arrive at the essence of the story: Anastasia is so strongly driven by the desire for a man and a child—and thinks so lowly of herself—that she is willing to enter into a relationship with what is essentially a dangerous sociopath in order to achieve her goals. In the bestseller Twilight, the main character has about the same amount of self-love and self-respect, which should come as no surprise given its influence on the author of FSoG. What does this say about these authors’ views of women, I wonder? And, for that matter, about the massive number of readers who spend money on such books, devouring them like crazy? For all the achievements of the feminist movements, we have in these past years seen several novels (and I use the term loosely) aimed at women that have become international bestsellers which depict decidedly weak female leading characters who are wiling to submit to almost anything in order to win male companions. In contrast, the philosophy of Satanism empowers our Satanic Witches to spot the true colors of creepy predators such as Mr. Grey from miles away. These potent women would doubtless decide on more emotionally mature partners, whether they were seeking s/m play, more “vanilla” encounters or other types of relationships. That the director of the upcoming Fifty Shades of Grey film, Ms. Sam Taylor-Johnson, has in the past also directed James Bond Supports International Women’s Day, lends some hope that this might be one of those rare cases where the film will be better than the book. But the story, and Anastasia in particular, will need serious re-writing for that to happen. The jury is out on whether Fifty Shades of Grey, The Movie is set to become the next 9 ½ Weeks. I, for one, bear in mind the wise Mark Twain—someone with real literary merit—who stated that “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” Just because a book sells well does not necessarily indicate a high literary quality—something I, as an avid reader, notice time and again when I peruse the lists of bestsellers. There is plenty of more valuable BDSM-themed fiction and non-fiction out there. There is plenty of better “chick-lit” and “mommy-porn” out there, too. My mysanthropological streak makes me shake my head in wonder when seeing how woman-hating books like Fifty Shades of Grey receive such a huge following among female readers. It is in fact the best selling book in Britain since such records began. Surely that is something to ponder, dear feminist readers.Meanwhile in the real world, in Belgium one couple was recently arrested for engaging in consensual sadomasochistic activities and the British government is banning various kinky but harmless porn websites from being viewed within Britain. So the success of this book, and strong interest in the much-hyped upcoming motion picture, is not really an indication that s/m is becoming more acceptable in society. The masses are now a bit more knowledgeable on the subject compared to the days of the “Old Guard,” thanks to efforts at education and media clarifications by various bona fide BDSM organizations and clubs worldwide. However, they seem to remain only vaguely aware of what the concept really entails in actual practice by people who might be their friends, neighbors, or even family. This is natural, if one’s interests simply do not really move in that direction. At least now there are worthwhile sources for accurate information if one wishes to understand the truth about BDSM practitioners.On the other hand, with Fifty Shades of Grey being such a massive best-seller, one might be tempted to presume that BDSM practices have emerged from remote, underground locations filled with sweaty leather-clad men wielding belts, ropes and chains into the bedrooms of many a respectable middle class married couple with satin sheets, silky scarves and candlelight to enhance their erotic experiences. It would certainly be nice to think so as, in my opinion, both—and many “shades” in between—have their charm.While I remain convinced that many more couples have blindfolds and handcuffs in their nightstand drawers than would openly talk about such, I cannot hold the illusion that FSoG has in any way helped BDSM gain more acceptance. Its core concept, as of Twilight, is that of an insecure young woman falling for a powerful “bad boy” and being willing to do anything to please him so that he might give her attention and want to possess her. This could be an element of a BDSM relationship—the domination/submission aspect many like to indulge in—were it not that in reality there would be a strong degree of caring involved underneath the play. In FSoG this reciprocity remains absent. It is a story about wanting to please a sociopath, not about risk-aware consensual kink. Anastasia wants a relationship so desperately that she prefers an abusive relationship with Mr. Grey over having the self-love to seek a healthy one with someone else. This is not s/m, it is insanity. Or put more mildly, it is the easier path of submitting to the whims of a disturbed man as opposed to the harder way of self-development and only accepting a partner who treats you with equal worth and loves you without the need for change.I find it a bit ironic, then, that despite so many decades of feminism, this book still sold more than any feminist fiction or nonfiction. I hope this was mostly thanks to the power of marketing and the urge among contemporary women to want to be a part of the group who read this “dirty” book. As we Satanists know, “The Law of the Forbidden” works quite well to capture an audience. But even then, it is still a testament to how peer pressure continues to rule the world, and how easy it can be to manipulate the public into buying, if not reading or liking, trash like this. Naturally, I find that sensible women would do well to read Anton Szandor LaVey’s The Satanic Witch instead. It has much more to say about exploring fetishes, female empowerment, and the real world than does Fifty Shades of Grey. The Satanic Witch has sold less copies, but we are okay with that because, as we can still clearly see today, relatively few people are ready to handle the wisdom it contains. Be warned though, The Satanic Witch is not fiction. It requires more effort of the mind than “mommy-porn chick-lit” hybrids offering titillating fantasy rather than truly opening the mind to wider possibilities towards one’s achievement of personal sensual fulfillment. As a final thought, I would like to point out that sometimes the coat-tails of an event, such as a much-hyped film release, are worth keeping an eye on. Making good use of the current media promotion of the FSoG film, Lionsgate is hopping on the bandwagon with a re-release of the 2002 classic Secretary, a film which I thoroughly enjoyed upon its original release, and still do, from time to time, on DVD. The male lead, played by James Spader, is, surely not coincidentally, called “Mr Grey”. While Secretary is not perfect, and I particularly disliked the suggestion that the female lead starts out as having psychological problems before beginning to work for her Mr. Grey, the film has a remarkable realism, and nailed some aspects of BDSM in a way that we simply cannot expect from the upcoming FSoG film. I personally especially liked how the director went against the studio’s initial requests, and did not see a reason to have the main characters be “cured” of their not-so-vanilla desires. At the same time, the domination and submission portrayed in Secretary is really rather realistic, and was well received within the BDSM community also, as many there were smiling and nodding with recognition at certain scenes. The end result is a very enjoyable story, and a film I can really recommend. We will have to wait and see about the filmed Fifty Shades of Grey, but, based on the book, my hopes cannot really be as high.

s/m

50 Shades of Misinformation?