A man wearing a Darth Vader t-shirt sits at a bar. He is having a beer and minding his own business. Eventually, a stranger approaches him. The following conversation takes place.

Stranger: “Why do you support dictatorships and being evil?”

Man in the shirt: “Huh?”

Stranger: “Well you embrace Dark Vader, so you must be into that.”

Man: “Um, who are you? I don’t believe I caught your nam—”

Stranger: “Do you think there’s anything cool about destroying planets, like Skaro?”

Man: “Actually, Alderaan was the name of the—”

Stranger: “Well do you?!?”

Man: “Uh, no. I like the character of Darth Vader for some of his other qualities: things like strength, power, his presence, being strategic, effective leadership, his great lines of dialogue, and not to mention the really cool outfit, with the light saber, and the—”

Stranger: “The what?”

Man: “You know, the… laser sword. Anyway, I even agree with some of the Sith law stuff I’ve read.”

Stranger: “But why pretend to follow an evil galactic overlord? He doesn’t exist!”

Man: “Well, no kidding! I know that Darth Vader is a fictional character. All Darth Vader fans know that.”

Stranger: “Then why would you call yourself a Vader fan if you don’t think he exists?”

Man: “I think I already answered this. Anyway, didn’t you like the Star Wars movies?”

Stranger: “I never saw any of them. But I don’t have to, to know that you’re wrong for wearing that shirt! Besides, Vader’s side loses!”

Man: “Look, pal, I don’t know who you are, but you clearly have no clue what you’re talking about, and you’re annoying the hell out of me. Get lost.”

Stranger: “Ha! You can’t bear to have the truth, so you resort to insults! Hey, why are you walking away? Why don’t you be like Vader and strangle me!”

… And THAT, folks, is what it feels like when I’m asked “Why do you call yourself a Satanist when you don’t believe in Satan?”


Reverend Bill M.

Bill M.

Magister in the Church of Satan

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