The Satanic Non-Binary or What to Do When Pronouns Change
My name is Rev. Hydra M. Star.
I am a member of the Priesthood of Mendes and a non-binary Satanist.
That is to say I am a non-binary person who is also a Satanist.
My pronouns are she/they/ze/whatever serves me best at the time. My preference leans towards ze/zir, but I’m just as pleased with she/they. Hell, if anyone wants to throw a he/him my way, I’ll not be offended. I’ll be a bit confused, considering my body type and how I present, but it honestly just doesn’t matter to me what pronouns anyone uses when speaking of me. I know who and what I am and will continue to be who and what I am even if others don’t know—the particulars of my gender are not something I go around announcing to every single person I interact with—or if they refuse to accept the truth—this aspect of who I am is something I no longer debate with myself or others.
Quick Disclaimer: neither this bit of insight into my own feelings about my pronouns nor the reasoning I’m prepared to give behind it are meant to be taken onboard by anyone reading this to use as a justification to disregard the preferences or personal boundaries that have been set by anyone else in regards to their pronouns. If you do this, I give the person or people you’re disrespecting with your nonsense my permission and encouragement to call you a cunt—or other derogatory name of their choosing—on my behalf.
While on my own journey to recognizing and accepting of my non-binary nature, I witnessed quite a few coming out and pronoun change announcements. Through all of that—what people said and how they reacted both publicly and privately, when they still believed me to be cisgendered—I came to understand that my pronouns, whatever they may be, will almost exclusively be used when someone is speaking about me and not to me. The vast majority of the time, I’m never going to know what pronouns or other words are used when I’m the topic of conversation. I can, however, judge how people treat and speak to me. The odds are usually pretty good that if someone holds disdain for me—be it due to my gender identity or other reasons—I’m going to know or at least suspect they do based on the words and tone they use in conversation with me. Most people aren’t nearly as talented at hiding their true feelings as they believe themselves to be and that’s where lesser magic comes into play. One’s reaction to poorly concealed or overt disdain should always reflects how they wish the relationship to proceed, evolve, or devolve as the case may be. Either way, I spent no time arguing with people about which pronouns are appropriate to use when referring to me. That’s energy that I feel is best spent somewhere else on some other struggle or goal.
With this said, I do understand that pronouns are and will no doubt continue for the foreseeable future to be a hot topic in the discussion of gender. This is true not only of non-binary folks but basically anyone that’s not presenting as the gender they were assigned at birth and the solutions to the pronoun problem—because it seems to very much be a problem and source of confusion and disagreement for a lot of folks—can be just as varied as the individuals these pronouns are being applied to are themselves. My solution for myself is not one size fits all and will almost certainly be met with some push back and arguments against my choice to not pick just one, but it seems no matter the choice that’s made there is push back and argument.
My allowing for the continued use of ‘she’ will trigger some people to insist that I’m ‘admitting what I really am,’ when in reality all it means for me is that I recognize that I land more towards the feminine than the masculine on the gender spectrum and how I dress and present myself to the world. Some people will look at the ‘they’ part of my preferred pronouns and say it is confusing, doesn’t follow the rules of grammar, is a devolving of the English language, and so on. Some will look at the ‘ze’ and say we non-binaries can’t just make up new words and expect everyone to start using them, it’s confusing, what are the rules of grammar for it, and so on. I find much of this to be more than a bit intellectually dishonest or at the very least it is insisting that certain rules and standards be applied to pronouns that aren’t applied equally to other types of words or their modern usage.
I mean, sure, we sometimes see people get angry about already existing words gaining new meaning through slang and/or euphemism, but I’ve yet to see anyone get as incensed over the word ‘chill’ in ‘Netflix and chill’ being used to mean ‘getting it on’ as I have seen people get over someone choosing they/them as their preferred pronouns. I mean, where’s the rage? Has no one turned their A/C way down in confusion before a date came over to watch Netflix? No, of course not. If someone actually did that, we’d think they were a jackass and make fun of them, because every native English speaker alive today should understand we use the word ‘chill’ to mean different things than its original meaning. We were doing so long before ‘Netflix and chill’ was even a thing, because a word’s meaning and how we use it doesn’t always remain the same. Also, not for nothing, but when I was growing up a ‘snowflake’ was a raindrop that froze on its way to the ground and if I’d called someone or something ‘woke’ my English teacher would have had very unkind things to say about my grammar and word usage, but how we use words and what they mean change over time. So, when someone calls me a ‘woke snowflake,’ I know exactly what they mean. I don’t act confused because those words don’t mean exactly what they used to mean when they first came into use.
However, that’s not even technically what is happening here with our shifting how we are using ‘they/them’ in modern English, because ‘they/them’ were being used as singular personal pronoun way, way back in history. How far back in history was ‘they/them’ being used in this way? 600 years, at least. This is something a lot of people I’ve spoken with on this topic aren’t even aware of and I myself was not aware of prior to doing a deeper dive into pronouns and their history. We aren’t expanding or using ‘they/them’ in a completely new way. We are returning to an older way that they were used, but interestingly enough instead of settling the debate on ‘they/them’ being used as singular personal pronouns the debate for some now shifts to whether or not English is ‘devolving.’ Biological evolution isn’t linear. So, maybe neither is linguistic evolution? In fact, I’m pretty sure at this point it’s definitely not.
While on the topic of evolution and the new things that come from it, ze/zir are new words. Ze was first known to be used in 1864. It was added to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary in 1934, but was later removed in the early 1960s. So, yeah. You got me there. It’s a new…ish word. The same is true for most of the other ‘new’ non-binary and gender neutral pronouns one can find included in lists and social media bios all over the internet. It’s also pretty easy to find videos and other learning aids online that teach the viewer/reader the grammatically correct way to use ze/zir. So, anyone that’s concerned about the grammar of it all can easily educate themselves and never be confused by a ‘ze’ or a ‘zir’ ever again. Personally, I’ve found when to use ‘awhile’ vs. ‘a while’ to be more of puzzling than ze/zir.
I’ll admit, I’m being a bit snarky with all this pronoun business. It’s difficult for my 8 o’clock ass to take most things 100% seriously and not crack a joke or two, but in all seriousness as a Satanist it is important to understand where people are coming from on this topic and adjust my lesser magic accordingly. Solipsism is a Satanic sin for a reason and we all have to live, work, and thrive as best we can in a world that is not always the sort of place that we think it should be. This goes for everyone—every single person—that’s coming to this topic with big opinions and deep feelings.
Non-binary people are here to stay, both inside and outside of the church (more on that in a minute). We’ve always been here. Even when we lacked the understanding and language to put a name to what we are, we were here. It’s in that way a lot like being a born Satanist, having all the views and values of a Satanist your whole life, but only having a word for it after you read The Satanic Bible. We also aren’t going away and many of us are not going to stop expressing ourselves and our gender identity publicly. Wishing us back into the closet, expressing anger at our existence, or outright denying our existence won’t in and of itself change the fact that our world is more accepting than ever of those of us who have embraced our non-binary nature. I truly believe this is a trend that won’t be fully reversed, no matter what laws are passed or who is in political power, though things could get or remain ugly in that regard depending on a person’s location in the world.
Likewise, gender critical people—those who either just don’t understand, refuse to understand, or put too much stock in outdated science, psychology, and societal norms—also aren’t going away. So, like it or not, we’re in this world together and unless you are able to isolate yourself and/or live in such a way that you don’t have to interact with any member of the public that you don’t hand pick to be part of your life, we’re going to have to deal with one another.
I wish I could tell you that I am prepared at this time to expand upon this idea and go into greater detail regarding the use of lesser magic by non-binary Satanists. Explain to you how we can draw from both Dr. LaVey’s The Satanic Witch as well as Dr. Johnson’s The Satanic Warlock and create unique archetypes and blend our apparent and demonic selves, but that’s a little beyond what I am able to offer at this time and in this space.
Instead, I want to leave you with some thoughts on a misconception I’ve seen expressed in a few places around the web about how non-binary individuals fit (or don’t fit) into Satanism and the Church of Satan. It was this that first inspired me to write this piece and make a public statement about being non-binary, because—to paraphrase a quote from Dr. LaVey himself—if I don’t clear this matter up someone else, perhaps less qualified, will.
The basic gist of what I’ve seen expressed by detractors and sadly some LaVey enthusiasts is that LaVey and by extension Satanism and the Church of Satan weren’t and aren’t accepting of non-binary people and that non-binary people by their very nature can’t be Satanists. As you can probably imagine this came as quite a shock to me!
I didn’t have the benefit of knowing Dr. LaVey personally during his lifetime. I joined the Church of Satan mere weeks before his death. So, I can’t say I know with 100% certainty what he would have thought on this topic or of our current understanding of gender. I do believe from things he wrote regarding transgender witches and the like that he understood gender to be as much, if not more, about the mind of the individual than their biology or body. He didn’t always use what we think of today as the correct terms for such individuals or expressions of gender, but if you read the meaning and intent behind what he had to say he was very progressive for the time in his thoughts on these matters. So, I think it is extremely unfair and inaccurate to judge his ideas about gender based on the usage of now outdated terminology or for his not having a fully modern understanding of gender and gender expression. This seems doubly true to me when we consider that some of the terms he used when talking about gender and sexuality that we might feel we are certain of the meaning of, because we still use them today, had slightly different meanings during the time he was doing the bulk of his writing.
For example, when he wrote The Satanic Bible in the late 1960s the term ‘bisexual,’ which he spoke of in positive terms, was still being used to describe not only a person who is sexually attracted to both males and females but also a person or being that has aspects of both biological sexes. If you need proof of the term being used in this way at that time, you need look no further than the Star Trek episode “The Trouble with Tribbles,” a fan favorite which first aired in December of 1967. In that episode the ship’s doctor refers to the Tribbles as bisexual, owing to them having both male and female reproductive parts. Those little furry buggers were non-binary!
With that said, I have to admit and acknowledge that he did have some rather disparaging things to say about how detrimental an androgynous appearance can be to a person’s application of lesser magic, at least in relation to evoking sexual arousal or romantic interest in a potential partner, audience, or target. This might shock many, considering my own gender identity, but I don’t disagree with him on this point. By and large, most people are attracted to a decidedly feminine or masculine look. So, when playing the odds and casting as wide a net as possible, it is usually wise for anyone looking to invoke sexual attraction to present as one or the other. With that said, I do think LaVey did underestimate the potential sex appeal an androgynous look can have and how many members of the public such a person can attract to them, sexually or otherwise. Most of us can name at least a few celebrities off hand that have made an androgynous appearance work for them to great success, effectively proving LaVey wrong, but once again we have to look at the time in which LaVey was writing these things and commenting on androgyny in relation to lesser magic, and where we were at as a society at the time, before fully judging him or his advice. When he wrote most of these things, he didn’t have the benefit of seeing how the likes of David Bowie, Annie Lennox (sweet dreams, indeed), and Prince would shape a newer and following generations’ views on gender and sexuality; ECI and all that. We also should not forget that he saw fit in his later years to bestow the honorary title of priest onto one of the androgynous icons of my generation: Marilyn Manson.
I could almost end my argument there and walk away feeling like I’ve ended all reasonable debate on this topic—there will always be unreasonable debate on every and any topic—and call the matter settled. Dr. LaVey clearly didn’t have an issue with an androgynous person being part of his organization and representing it publicly and recognized the success such an individual had achieved implementing such a look. We can then extract from that how he might have felt about an openly non-binary person being a member of the Church of Satan’s priesthood.
Hi, that’s me! I’m a non-binary member of the priesthood, in case anyone forgot how this essay opened!…but am I androgynous? Is that the same as being non-binary?
Not really, because gender identity (what gender the person is at their core) and gender expression (how a person dresses, acts, or otherwise presents themselves to others) can be very different and for the Satanist—non-binary or otherwise—can play a huge part in their lesser magic.
I, personally, lean more towards a sentimental (nostalgic) and wonder look with my appearance, including elements that signal to those who know what to look for that I am LGBTQ+ and a bit witchy. I don’t completely pack away sex appeal. I do have some, but it’s not something I rely on heavily as a social lubricant. I’m not out here sending out mating signals or looking to spot any, at least not at the moment. What works best for me might change at some point. I may some day adopt a look that flirts more heavily with androgyny or I might return to a more feminine look. That’s one of the beautiful things about both lesser magic and gender expression (and language for that matter, can’t forget about those pronouns) it’s always evolving and changing, adapting to our needs and what works best for us. At the end of the day that’s what Satanism as a whole is largely all about; what works best for me, you, all of us individually.
So, if like me you’re a non-binary Satanist and you can make expressing that outwardly work for you, DO IT! I have seen no evidence that stands up to scrutiny that Dr. LaVey would have rejected us and I can certainly attest to the fact that the Church of Satan does not reject us. I’m living proof of that.
Hydra M. Star
Priestess in the Church of Satan
