66 posts

The Secret Conversation

Men say, “uh,” and women prefer, “um,” according to a recent study of conversational filler words. It seems that, in many cases, “uh” is used by men to prevent others from speaking, while “um” shows that a woman might be listening or thinking. This is in keeping with the gender contrasts explored most unabashedly in Anton LaVey’s The Satanic Witch. So if an outwardly macho man says “um,” that could be your secret clue that he’s hiding a more sensitive side. That’s what we call, uh, Lesser Magic. —Warlock M. Mandrake

Trolling Terrorists!

The advent of social media, and its penchant for bringing out the worst in everyone, can only lead to the inevitable “trolling” of terrorist organizations like ISIS. Terrorists posting their musings on Twitter only reveal them to be the same attention-seeking narcissists as is most everyone else on the planet. “Aamir, I don’t understand. I posted photos of dead soldiers with a warning that infidels will perish under the might of Allah, and @creepyface6969 sent me a blasphemous drawing of Muhammad in a sun dress and told me to ‘get EBOLA & die, camel fucker!’ Why are they not scared […]

Robin Williams: Comedy and Counterpoint

The inimitable Robin Williams, whose work ranged from frenzied stand-up comedy to acting roles brimming with pathos, has died at the age of 63, an apparent suicide. Satanists frown upon any self-destructive act, but many of us will surely regret the death of this outstanding creator. Williams will be missed, but lives on through his incandescent nonsense and profound characterizations. “One cannot have a true sense of humor without an equal sense of the profound. The familiar cliche of the clown whose heart is breaking holds great validity.” —Anton Szandor LaVey, “‘T’ain’t Funny, McGee,” from Satan Speaks! —Warlock M. Mandrake […]

From Pet to Plate: The Eating of Horses, Monkeys, Dogs and now Guinea Pigs, etc.

I love animals. They are cute, cuddly and often delicious. I’ve always been amused at how some people cannot quite emotionally handle the obvious natural truth regarding the place of Homo Sapiens on the food chain of our planet. Horse lovers in America are adamant against horses being used for food, yet in France they have “cheval” on the menu. Monkey is a delicacy in the Far East. Dogs are a tasty meal in Vietnam and parts of China. Westerners are mostly repulsed. Silly, really. Recently, National Public Radio had a story about the growing availability of guinea pig on […]

One Nation Under Secularism

Many Satanists consider the United States to be the world’s first Satanic republic. Non-Satanists may be surprised to learn that this means the Church of Satan advocates secular government. This country clearly needs a reminder that true religious liberty demands rational secularism to properly accommodate divergent beliefs. Individual Satanists profess a wide range of mutually exclusive political views, but ultimately agree upon certain core principles: freedom of choice, personal responsibility, and meritocracy. In an interview on the Leonard Lopate Show, author Matthew Stewart discusses the boldly secular foundation of the United States, which is our ultimate defense against the lurking threat […]

Influences, Perspectives, & True Detective

The most believable fictional characters do not exist in a vacuum and neither do their creators. While the masses need every quote and reference spoon fed to them, the Satanist will find great satisfaction in independent research and discovery. Do directors or screenwriters need to disclose all their influences upfront, regardless if they give credit independently? That’s both impractical and unnecessarily breaks the audience’s engagement with their work. Also question demands from hypersensitive critics who believe all perspectives need to be represented equally at all times, regardless of the creative intent of the creator.  —Reverend Raul Antony

Church of Satan Sigil of Baphomet

It Ain’t Murder if it Took 33 Years

In a bizarre turn of events (contorting both the law and the dictionary to their very limits), the DC Medical Examiner has ruled James Brady’s death A HOMICIDE. The reasoning being that the injuries he received 33 years ago led to his death. Um, excuse me, but if it took 33 years that’s not what killed you, James. Sure, the injuries compromised him, even changed him irrevocably. But “killed” him? I don’t think so. I didn’t see the autopsy or the report, but I find the whole idea impossible. Every one of us has a 100% mortality rate, meaning this […]

These stories about Jews using baby blood for matzohs—OY!

Hard to believe we’re seeing this story in good ol’ 2014, but here it is. Ah, the classics. These yarns sure do make my Jew horns ache, especially since everybody knows it’s the dang CAT-LICKS what drink blood and eat skin. —Magistra Ruth Waytz